During the thirty eight years at home, Mariam Thresia relentlessly sought to discern her vocation. She who wanted to adapt God’s will in everything prayed constantly saying;“Lord may your will and mine be one and the same”.
When she turned a teen she wanted to retire to the forest for a life of austerity. She practiced for several days at home to live on herbs and wild fruits. On the day she wanted to run away to the forest at the middle of the night her body was almost paralyzed fixing her to the bed unable to get up. She prayed to God at the instance that if her decision was not confirm to the will of God for her, she was ready to give up totally. Suddenly she was back to normal. Thresia Got up from her bed, thanked God for revealing His holy will and let go her planning for forest forever.
She also sought entry to religious monasteries, but she was denied due to a high family background and lack of money of patrimony. In all these she was not disappointed but her disposition to “give up” her own will, to follow the will of God,was immune. There was nothing important for her than to say Yes’ and wait patiently for God’s Holy Spirit to manifest the Yes’ in her life. She always said “My life is a gift from God and so do l, if God wills, who am I to complain? I have nothing to worry for myself”.
Since her childhood she reasoned her actions as for the will of God. Once she was healed miraculously from a deadly sickness, her mother forced her to take food that can nourish her weak body, but she refused it saying “it was God who gave me good health, therefore let us trust only in God“. Her dear mother and the whole family often did not understand Thresia, they were shocked to see such surpassing trust in God and patience to endure sufferings cheerfully.
Conformity to the will of God is also a recurring theme in her letters,written to her spiritual father. She wrote “Right now if this is God’s will, I accept it joyfully and with great satisfaction.” She also regarded the voice of her spiritual father as the voice of God and obeyed them without questioning.
In the midst of severe pain, too, she was submissive. “Today’s sufferings seem to be very severe. I feel like nails piercing my joints and the inside of my head being heavily drawn down. In no way can I stand up, lie or sit down. Let it be according to the holy will of God! God will grant me strength. Father, I have patience. Please pray that God’s will and my will be one the same”
A total surrender to God, or her blind obedience to the authorities both were at times heroic. St. Mariam Thresia had to pay heavy prize to it. Due to the rumors that Thresia was possessed, the Bishop forbid her the reception of Communion for quite some time, she obeyed it, and would not even heed to an angel of God who brought her Communion. When it was rumored that she was eating bread and butter at home, the Bishop ordered her only to take rice and gruel water, on that Christmas day Jesus himself prepared a table with bread in it. Thresia refused to eat and wrote to Fr. Joseph to help her regarding this matter.
After a hard struggle with the devils she writes: “It has been God’s will that I must suffer this tug of war. Let this also pass! I shall suffer all this.” Each time she would only say “Let God’s will be done!” .When people spoke ill of her she was resigned to God’s will, she wrote, “May be it is God’s will that people must speak ill of me. I do resign myself to it totally.”
Her stay at home unmarried had stirred lots of ill talkers, her family members flared hard words on her, her visits to families fetched off beam stories, her indifference to the worldly affairs was mistaken as arrogance, her trails were taken as evil obsessions, her spiritual experiences were considered as hallucinations and spiritual phenomena’s as mental sickness. The more she tried to reach God’s will, it was hard on her. The pain and suffering did not burden her spirit and body. For she trusted not on herself but God who vested her with graces in need;empowered her mind and spirit as well. Thus she remained always calm and composed, praying and interceding constantly, disposing herself to God’ will.
Sr. Udaya Kallukaran Chf